


Sanity Halls: Under Construction

by XtaticPearl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Architect Wanda, Chef Tony, Civil War Fix-It, Counselor Sam Wilson, Dancer Steve, Didn't Know They Were Dating, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Kid Scott Lang, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Married Couple, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Teacher Natasha, Techie Vision, Thanos Is Here, What Have I Done, musician Clint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6238507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the final battle arrived and all the heroes ran towards each other to throw punches, they didn't expect an invisible portal to get created in the middle. Now they're stuck in an alternate reality where none of them have superpowers and all of them have jobs like normal people.<br/>Tony just hates magic even more now and would prefer it if his boss, a British asshole, would stop throwing plates at him as he sautéed. Steve would really like a shield instead of the women he has to throw into the air every time he completes a pirouette. Clint just wants a bow that doesn't need a cello to be used with. Natasha would appreciate if Sam stopped trying to teach her class. Bucky is just way too confused about T'Challa telling him to smile all the time. Vision and Wanda? Well, they'd like to sleep without Scott crying through the night. Rhodey is too busy minding the dolphins to worry about this shit.</p><p>The Civil War fix it + AU + Domestic Avenger fic you didn't ask for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working on two other pet projects of mine but the research part for them will take some time so I thought I'd give this idea some air. It was in my drafts for a month and I honestly have no clue how crazy I was when I thought about it :P Anywho, enjoy? <3

There was always the possibility of the unexpected in a war. You could win with a missed fire, lose with a distracted moment and worse, die with a fatigued attempt. The threat of strange occurrences hung above their heads even before the war was declared. They were superheroes, people who had nothing normal about their lives or jobs. Extraordinary was an ordinary word for them.

Nothing though would have prepared them for this.

"What do we do now, Cap?" Sam asked quietly, meeting the eyes of every person standing against him, against them all. This was the worst nightmare any of them had imagined. A war between friends, a divide of a team, the last step to irreconcilable differences. He remembered fighting beside most of them. He remembered sharing night caps with Natasha on days they both couldn't sleep. He remembered holding deep discussions with Vision when there was no threat and they simply lazed around in the Facility. He remembered being nagged by Tony to look for any scope of upgrade on his pack. He remembered swapping stories with Rhodey and holding tallys about Steve and Tony's banters. 

He remembered them being a family before this.

He remembered them standing in the same line before today.

"We fight," Steve replied determinedly, looking straight at Tony who was staring back at Steve. This would be the last time he would see the man as something beside his rival. This would be the last time he would get to think about a 'what-if'. This was the beginning of the end and Steve was a part of the wheel that would start it off. He glanced once at Bucky, poised to attack and razor sharp in focus on the Black Panther.

This was the last chapter of his team, Steve realized bitterly before clenching his gut and letting the adrenaline fill his body. The faceplate on Tony's suit came down with a click and Steve knew that there wasn't any turning back.

So, he took the first step of the run.

Tony saw Steve run a second before he powered his thrusters in sync with Rhodey. He didn't want to do this, none of them did. He didn't want to throw the punch that would end any hopes of his team ever getting back. But he was flying, Vision and Rhodey keeping up in pace and he could see T'Challa and Natasha run. He could see Falcon fly towards him, poised for the attack. They were steps, just a couple of steps away from each other.

"FRIDAY, blasters on the ready," he commanded into his HUD, swallowing any doubts about this.

This was the unavoidable end. If he had to be a part of it, he would surely not go down without a fight.

One second Tony's gauntlet was ready to blast Falcon away and T'Challa's fist was raised to land the first punch on Bucky.

The next second there was a quiet whoosh of suction and the battleground was empty.

Nobody knew who landed the first punch because nobody was there in the lot anymore. The entire horde of superheroes had run into a wall of thin air and suddenly there was no war cry or sound anymore.

Somehow, it didn't sound like peace either.

On the roof of the building overlooking the lot, a purple skinned form, who didn't look human by looks or temperature, looked at the blue and bruised Jotun bound at his feet.

"Good work, Laufeyson," he drawled with a grin that would remind eyes of morgues and frozen souls, "You shall be handsomely rewarded for this service."

Turning his eyes back to the magical portal that was closing in on itself, Thanos smirked to himself and set his eyes at the clear sky above him.

"And now to court Death," he whispered in a vow and ran a long finger over the large gem on a ring of his hand.

\--------------------

Wanda snapped awake when the nightmare ended in the cold eyes of her brother staring at her. Her lungs were filled with shards of ice breath and she clawed at her chest to get it working again. It was the same dream every time. Some times she saw her parents, her friends, innocent faces with lost names, falling cities, red eyes and a metal heart, too many bullet holes and not much blood left. But it always, always ended with him. Pietro. Her brother. The only family she had held. Her dead twin. Her nightmares always ended with his eyes, those eyes which would never blink again.

She ran a hand over her face and realized that she was sweating all over. Her eyes fell on her body and she frowned. She never went to sleep in her suit, so how -

Wanda's head snapped up and she sprang to attention in seconds, looking around for the other team. They were in a war, she remembered clearly. She had been inches away from attacking Vision. They had been ready to hit first.

But nobody was hitting anymore. Wanda looked down and saw that everybody was asleep or unconscious on the floor. The sentence struck her hard and she looked up. It was dark, closed off. Like they were in a room. Last she remembered, they had been in Germany, in an open parking lot. There had been light.

Now, she could see nothing other than silhouettes of walls.

A knife rested on her neck and she clenched her fingers, ready to fry whoever was behind her.

"Did you do this?" the person asked in a low voice and Wanda relaxed an inch at hearing Natasha. She knew Natasha's moves and mind well enough to know when to fear her. If the ex-spy was asking first, then it meant that she wanted information and not your death.

"If I had to hold everybody hostage, I wouldn't include myself in the list, would I?" Wanda replied calmly, not moving an inch while the knife touched her throat. She concentrated on conjuring energy enough to see around better and felt the knife press harder, scraping skin on her throat. "I'm just trying to get some light, Natasha," she commented quietly, feeling slight panic take over when nothing came out from her hand, "and clearly failing."

The knife paused on her throat before slipping away. Wanda was building up a good level of panic for herself when she heard someone yelp and another voice groan a curse.

"Fucking asshole! Get off me!"

"That's my hand!"

"Sam? Clint?" Wanda asked and heard some more shuffling before a blinding light enveloped the place. Which turned out to be a room, a bedroom to be more specific.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and stared at the scene before her as she put down her hand from the light switch. Clint and Sam had woken up, Wanda was standing petrified between Tony and Rhodey's still unconscious bodies, Steve was groaning slightly, Vision and Scott were nowhere to be found and T'Challa was unconcious on top of Bucky, the metal-arm around the Black Panther's neck.

"What.the.fuck?" Clint breathed when he blinked his eyes a couple of times and seemed to see the same thing as Natasha before meeting her eyes with wide eyes of his own, "What is all this? Where are we?"

"Why is my head hurting so much?" Sam whispered, rubbing circles into his temple, "Did somebody club us all in the head before kidnapping us?"

"Your head hurts?" Natasha asked slowly, frowning at the new piece of information, "Mine doesn't. What about you, Clint?"

"Huh?" Clint asked, looking away from a horrifyingly bright poster of P!nk on a wall,"What? No, my head, no it doesn't hurt. Not much."

Sam opened his mouth to ask a question when Wanda screamed.

It should have been comical but nobody laughed when both Tony and Steve sprang up to attention and T'Challa and Bucky knocked their heads into each other's face in a hurry to scramble up. Rhodey simply groaned loud and crawled to a sitting position.

"No! No goats! No!," Tony yelled as he blinked his eyes open and raised his hands in an attacking position before taking in the scene and frowning, "Did we have an orgy without me being aware of it?"

Natasha narrowed her eyes a fraction but Steve exhaled loudly and glared at Tony.

"That's what you think immediately?" he asked tightly before looking at Wanda and sobering up instantly, walking over to the terrified looking girl, "Wanda? What's wrong? What happened?"

"My-my powers," Wanda whispered, staring at her hands with wide blown eyes, "I can't feel them. I can't use my powers. They don't exist anymore."

Clint immediately crossed over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder protectively as Steve tried to process that information while taking in his surrounding.

Tony frowned at Wanda thoughtfully before trying to close his faceplate. He felt the first shiver of terror go through his spine when nothing happened. He stared at his gauntlet covered hands and his eyes immediately caught on to a hint of difference. It felt lighter. It felt weaker. It felt powerless. He raised his hand and tapped behind his neck, trying to find the hidden latch that would bring the faceplate up.

"Erm, Tony?" Rhodey asked from the floor in a voice that sounded way too calm for his normal self, "Is that your helmet?"

Everybody looked down and saw Rhodey looking at a helmet strewn across the floor. Natasha, who was closest to it, walked over and picked it up, looking at it for a minute before looking up.

"It's plain metal," she said seriously, staring at Tony who blinked at that, "there's no HUD or software in here. It's just a metal helmet."

"My claws," T'Challa added, staring at his claws as he tried to sink them into a nearby window sill, " They aren't the same as well. This isn't vibranium."

"I can't feel my arm," Bucky said slowly and Steve's eyes widened horrifiedly, "It's like it's just an attachment and not really attached to me. It doesn't connect."

Everybody's eyes landed on Steve collectively, staring at his shield. Steve looked down and stared at it as well. If this was a bad dream then at least one of them would be the same, because one of them would still be dreaming. He slowly raised the shield and looked at the wall beside him.

The punch dented the shield with a crack.

"This is a nightmare," Tony whispered out loud, staring at nobody in particular, "This is all some horrible nightmare. This isn't happening. We're going to wake up any time now. Any time now, we're going to wake up and be back in that god forsaken lot. This can't be happening."

"There are action figures," T'Challa said suddenly and everybody turned to see him looking at toys on a shelf above a bed, "There are action figures of us."

Sam walked over and saw it for himself. There were action figures of all of them, in their costumes, arranged in fighting positions, like they were waiting for an enemy to strike.

"It can't get worse than this," Clint bit out as he squinted at his own toy, "I'm wearing goddamned purple here. It can't get worse than this."

The door to the room creaked open and all of them went on alert for an attack. Instead, a teenage boy dressed as Batman sans the mask came in and looked at all of them before settling his gaze on Steve.

"Wow, you guys really crashed out last night, huh?" the dark haired boy commented with a small smile before winking at Tony who was still stuck in shock, "Told you not to drink that punch. Gramps put his special kicker in it. Now if you guys are all done with your beauty sleep, mom wants you to get your asses down. Sorry, Wanda, J said not to wake you up but Scotty's crying his lungs out and dad wondered if you had a pacifier hidden somewhere. You guys clean up and come down, pronto, alright? And hey, Uncle Steve? Mom said and I quote, "Don't you dare ruin my sheets again, you animals!". Hurry up!"

The boy grinned again and left, running down the stairs judging by the sound. There was absolute silence in the room, every single person staring at the spot the boy had stood in. A moment later another set of footsteps were heard before Vision peeped into the room holding an infant.

"Hello, everybody," he said with a grimace that only worsened when his eyes landed on Wanda, "I think you should all come down. We seem to have a situation."

"Vision, who's that?" Natasha asked the one question she was dreading.

Vision winced slightly and cleared his throat, sneaking a glance at Wanda before looking back at the kid.

"This is Mr. Scott Lang," he replied calmly and sighed when the baby tapped a hand against his face, "Apparently, mine and Wanda's child. Downstairs, please? You really should see and hear this for yourself."

Vision left without another word and the room settled back into silence. Finally, Clint sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Well, fuck," he exhaled as he stared at his action figure, "it can get worse after all."


	2. Chapter 2

"Costume party," Clint repeated the words for the fiftieth time slowly, looking at Elyse Coulson who sighed on a nod and went on blending her fourth batch of smoothies, "We had a costume party yesterday night. All of us. These are our costumes."

"You know, after the twentieth time I really don't know if he's asking or telling," Yates popped his gum and gestured to T'Challa with a shrug, "I mean, I  _get_ that he gets hammered pretty bad sometimes, not that I know any stories I shouldn't know about, but this is getting kind of repetitive and boring, don't you think?"

T'Challa looked up from his coffee and cocked an eyebrow at the teenager sprawled on the couch's arm beside him before glaring at Clint's head like that would make him stop.

"Could you please stop the popping?" Wanda asked as Yates popped the gum again, the noise strangely grating on her nerves, "Go blow a soap bubble if you're that keen. Just...stop the popping."

The kid simply grinned behind his pink gum bubble and turned to Wanda before popping it deliberately. Wanda would have thrown something at him but seeing that the current object in her hands was a baby, she couldn't really do it.

Vision came behind Yates and thumped him on the back making the kid spit the gum in force, getting a grateful nod from Wanda. Yates simply frowned at Vision who shrugged, before grumbling back to his room, presumably going to search for a new packet of gum. T'Challa looked disgusted with the gesture till he saw that the gum had landed on Bucky's shirt. Then he simply slurped his coffee with a smirk, enjoying the red face of the 'gummed' man currently sunk in the uncomfortably soft couch. Of Phil Coulson. Whose house they were in right now.

Except, this wasn't their Phil Coulson. Or maybe he was. It didn't make sense without the entire backstory. It sort of didn't make sense even with it.

After their cautious and awkward walk of pain, that resembled a sexless walk of shame, from the room they had woken on to the living room downstairs, the group of confused heroes had found a moment of relief when they had seen Phil Coulson standing in his crisp suit with a to-go cup of coffee. The relief had lasted a whole of three minutes, within which they had found out that Phil was married to Elyse, a cellist, and had a kid, the teenager from before, Yates. The strangest and most panic inducing fact had been the news that this Phil Coulson thought they were normal people with a hangover and told Clint to be at the court for his latest traffic violation hearing. Thankfully, not all of them were morons, and Sam had casually tried to ask what Phil meant, when they found out that this Phil Coulson was a lawyer and Clint had a ticket he had to answer for today. In a court. 

Clint hadn't broken till he had learnt that he was Elyse's protege and played the cello too. In an orchestra group.

Tony, who had begun laughing at Clint's expression at that, had choked on thin air when Elyse had tossed him a chef's hat and told him that his boss had called already and he was late for work. It had taken Rhodey's intervention to stop a full blown Tony Stark style panic attack and the genius was currently talking on the phone animatedly to his 'boss'. T'Challa didn't know who it was, but by the expressions on Tony's face he didn't want to ask as well.

"Clint's still asking the same question?" Natasha asked as she quietly came back to the living room, an album in hand, Sam right behind her.

"You would think that he wouldn't mind a little purple change to his wardrobe," T'Challa mused lowly before gesturing to the album with his eyes, "Found anything that makes sense?"

"Well, it depends on your definition of 'sense'," Sam sighed before plopping on the chair opposite to the sofa and opening an album titled 'Phil's Dis-harmonic' on the coffee table, "Right now, it's a pretty vague stretch of meaning for me."

T'Challa saw Wanda and Vision come around to stand behind the couch, looking at the photos in front of them. Even baby Scott seemed to quiet down when he saw the numerous pictures stuck on bright pages of the album.

It was...disconcerting.

The first page was a set of photobooth shots of different pairs, triads and quartets. Phil, Natasha and Steve featured in the first, wearing Batman, Robin and Catwoman masks. Tony, Rhodey, Clint and Sam featured in the second, posing as the Beatles. T'Challa and Bucky came in the third, wearing a devil's horns and angel's halo respectively. Wanda, Vision and Pepper came in the fourth, dressed as freaking Powerpuff Girls. The second page onward, things were more candid. There were pictures of Phil's family flanked by Wanda, Vision and Scott. There were shots of Rhodey piggybacking Tony and Steve doing the same with Bucky. There was a shot of Wanda and T'Challa covered in flour glaring at a grinning Clint, followed by a shot of a chocolate faced Clint pouting at the smirking flour covered duo. There was a picture of Yates proposing to Natasha as Sam appeared to imitate him to Elyse. There were candid laughing shots of Phil and Vision, black and white portraits of a cuddled Yates and baby Scott, pensive Pepper and Elyse, wild dancing Natasha, Tony and Clint, cycling Steve and Sam, Christmas tree decorating T'Challa, Wanda and Bucky hugging a snowman.  It looked painfully normal and heartbreakingly happy. Wanda saw Natasha discreetly touch a picture of her dancing carefree with Clint and Tony, a laugh captured mid shot on her lips. She understood her feeling. It was the same she was feeling as she traced the pictures of herself grinning, hugging and acting funny.

It was the fear of a dream and steeling for a nightmare.

The album shut on a snap and they looked up to see Bucky leaning over from his spot on the couch, hand firmly heavy on the shut book and eyes still staring at it.

"That's enough," the ex-soldier grit out hoarsely, "enough pictures for now."

"Bucky..." Sam started gently, trying to place a hand on the rigid man's hand but Bucky snatched it away.

"No, just stop Sam," he said firmly and for the first time, T'Challa silently agreed with him. He could feel his own heart-rate spike uncontrollably and wanted to see no more proof of this twisted world where he didn't recognize himself.

"This sucks," Tony grunted as came back in from the porch, placing the home-phone on the coffee table with irritation before scowling at the group huddled around the couch, "Apparently, I work as a chef at an Italian place called  _Cerrera_ and my boss is a British buttface who wants me to be there an hour ago. Bloody asshole must have missed his morning tea for all I know because when I told him I'm taking a sick day, he got all bitchy about lazy Americans and spoilt amateurs with fancy degrees. I have a good mind to stuff him in a crown and send it back to England. To top it all, did I say that I am a fucking chef? Who cooks? In a kitchen? With things that aren't limited to scotch, glass and coffepot? And...you're not interested, clearly. What's wrong?"

Tony blinked at the staring faces before him but was saved from a panic fueled backlash when Steve came back from the bedroom upstairs, where they had first crashed, ending a conversation with someone on something that looked like his phone.

"Yes, yes I understand Phil," he said with an eye-roll before shooting a look at Clint, who was still chatting with Elyse as the woman whipped up her breakfast, "Yes, I'll make sure he's there. No, you don't have to set hourly reminders. Yes, okay, got it. I'll see about that. Sure, okay, okay. Alright, goodbye. What? Um...yeah, okay, right. Bye, Phil."

"Trouble?" Natasha asked quietly and Steve sighed before rubbing the back of his neck with a shrug.

"I don't know, which situation are you asking about?" he quipped with a huff of hysterical chuckle, "The costume party, the lack of powers, the new Coulson family, the apparent hangover or the phone call to remind Clint about his hearing?"

Everybody stayed silent for an entire minute before Tony shrugged.

"Eh, I work as a chef. That's the pinnacle for me," he said with a snort and Steve raised an eye-brow.

"A chef?" Steve repeated incredulously and Tony waved a hand to show his agreement at the incredulity, "Wow. That's...unusual. So, anybody else found out anything else about what's happening here, who we're supposed to be here or where exactly  _is_ here?"

"Clint is a musician," Sam counted off on his fingers, "Scott's a baby, quite literally, and Wanda & Vision are somehow his parents. By the way, Vision? Dude, what's your status officially? How do you...you know, what are you here exactly? Human, android, semi-both, what?"

"I appear to be human," Vision replied slowly, chancing a look at Wanda, who was resolutely staring at a gurgling Scott in her arms, "what I was wearing on my body before was some sort of paint. My mind gem is absent from its place, though I did find a scar in its stead. And I have this."

Vision showed his left hand and everybody saw a band on his ring finger. It was a dark, gothic looking brass ring with a diamond shaped yellow stone embedded in the center. To somebody else, it would have looked like a normal topaz or tourmaline, but to those who had seen it before, it was clear that it was the mind stone. Or a depowered version of it.

"That looks like a wedding band," T'Challa said slowly, looking at Wanda pointedly who simply glared at him but sighed when everybody else continued staring at her.

"Yes," she said curtly and extracted her left hand from Scott's grasp to show a similar band but with a more red tinge to the stone. 

"Huh," Tony observed curiously, looking at Vision, Wanda and Scott, "Child marriage. Who would have thought?"

"I am 25," Wanda snarled slightly and Tony merely raised his eyebrows before nodding in acceptance and muttering something about magic kids and annoying age patterns. 

"Are you still called 'Vision' though?" Steve asked, drawing back attention from Tony, "It is a strange name for a, well, a normal person."

"When I came downstairs before any of you awoke," Vision said thoughtfully, "Mr. Coulson addressed me as Vinton. I am not sure if it is my first name or last. I am also not sure if I need both of them."

"Yes, you do," Natasha said firmly, shooting T'Challa a look when he opened his mouth, "if you work somewhere, then you'll need to know it completely. For now though, Vinton is fine. English too, so it's strangely befitting."

"Which brings us to the important point," Tony said, looking at Natasha, "how is nobody freaking out that we all have normal jobs and no powers? I mean, how is everybody so calm about this? Last I remember, we were fighting."

"Who was fighting?" Elyse asked as she walked up to the group, Clint trailing behind her with a pale face. Tony clamped his mouth shut and exchanged a look with Steve who shot him back a slightly panicked look. Elyse looked at both of them with a frown before turning to Bucky.

"Were they having a civil war again?" she asked exasperatedly and everybody froze. Bucky, who hadn't spoken anything till then, stared at the brunette suspiciously before flicking a look at Steve and back at Elyse.

"Civil war?" he echoed quietly, noting that nobody else was moving or even breathing. Clint was staring at Natasha, clearly communicating something in their own silent language but Natasha wasn't reacting.

"Yeah, that's what you named it the last time, right?" Elyse asked with a deeper frown, looking around at everyone with the same frown, "The last time they fought? The Team Iron Man vs Team Cap debate? Last month en route to Comic Con? Okay, why are you guys blinking like owls? Seriously, are you all okay?"

"Iron Man and Cap?" Tony whispered horrifiedly before clearing his throat and trying again, "Erm, Elyse, what debate? I'm sorry, I think I've got things confused, you know, after all the debates and arguments we have, it's kind of hard to keep track."

Elyse snorted at that and rolled her eyes in some kind of knowing look at Sam, who weakly grinned back.

"Yeah, we all know how much you two love  _fighting_ Tony," she said sarcastically and Steve frowned, "please, stop flaunting your kinks to us mere mortals. And stop pretending you dumbass. You know the one I'm talking about. I still remember hours four and five of the ride, when you guys started listing out pointers for defense squads of your team leaders. Like it wasn't enough that you were actually fighting over fictional characters from a comic series we all know reversed itself and brought back dead characters. I swear, at one point I thought Wanda was going to stab Tony with her Loki's Sceptre when he raved about Captain America being 'the embodiment of all that is pure and faultless in this dark world of depressing chaos' in the same sentence that he admired Cap's best feature being 'that ass which can pop open my ketchup bottle any time'."

Steve was practically choking himself red and Tony was having a hard time stifling a guffaw but Elyse continued ignorantly, addressing a dumbstruck Bucky.

"The best part was Steve almost punching Tony for calling Iron Man 'the eternal Merchant of Death' though," she sighed with a fond grin, "I think Yates needed brain bleach after he heard his Uncle Steve wax poetic about his 'cinnamon roll with a heart of gold and a fate of tragic tears that could be expounded only when you considered the unutterably painful childhood of the cursed billionaire'. I almost thought that your little 'war' would end when Natasha finally switched teams from Team Iron Man to Team Cap and left us all sputtering. But noooo, of course you assholes had to drag it out till the entire Con was over. That's how we got the joke, remember? How your crazy obsessions with comic heroes had taken you from 'civil union to a civil war'? I think Phil is still pleased with himself for that pun, but god knows that he gets so few right, this might have just been his best."

As Elyse laughed at her own joke, Bucky opened and shut his mouth silently before turning to look at the others. It was strangely relieving for the ex-assassin to see that everybody else was gobsmacked too, especially Tony and Steve, who looked like somebody had frozen them mid-speech. 

"I'm Team Captain America" Tony whispered in the end, clearly gone out of focus as he stared at Steve, "and you're Team Iron Man."

"Oh my god, are you guys still on that?" Yates groaned as he came back to the living room, a school backpack on his shoulder, "Mom, we really need to stop going to Cons if your friends are going to continue being utter kids about this. Seriously guys, get over it. Even the kids at school talk less about this and they're on Tumblr for crying out loud. Why do people get crazier with age? Whatever, I'm breaking for school. See you losers later. Bye, mom!"

"Goodbye, spawn o'mine!," Elyse yelled back with a mock salute that Yates rolled his eyes at before dashing out, "Learn something!"

"Okay!" Elyse clapped her hands and looked at the group of confused people in her living room, "Are you guys going to continue being zombies this morning or can I expect some asses to clear out before I leave for practice? Oh, Clint, you don't have that choice. Ingrid's gonna skewer you if you skip another practice. So you're coming with me, pretty boy. I'll get ready and meet you here in 20. Shower, pick up your emergency clothes from Yates' room and get your butt ready. Chop chop! The rest, finish your walking dead rituals and scram without trashing the house."

Elyse snapped her fingers in a 'hurry up' gesture and marched up the stairs to, presumably, her own room. Leaving the others still dazed in their spots.

"Clint, you should get ready," Steve said, coming out of his trance first, "She'll be back soon and Phil said that you have to be in court at 1:00, which had a threat of hourly reminders to it. Natasha, Sam, you guys go through some more information in the albums and anything else you can find. T'Challa, Tony, check the phones and any other gadget on us, we'll have something in there. Wanda, Vision, handle Scott and get his things cleaned up if anything exists. Bucky, keep an eye out for Elyse and signal us in case of any danger."

"Where are you going?" Sam asked as he followed Natasha to gather any further information.

"I'm going to go check with Phil as discreetly as I can," Steve said firmly, swallowing the feeling of dread and panic, "This is some messed up alternate reality we're stuck in and obviously Phil doesn't recognize  **us**. But he's the only person we know on some level here and we could probably get some comprehensive data on what we're dealing with exactly."

"I'll go take that shower then," Clint said resignedly and took a few steps toward Yates' bedroom before freezing and turning back with a panicked look, "Holy Shit! How the hell do I play the fucking cello?!"

"The same way I cook," Tony shot back bitterly, "Horribly!"

Steve simply sighed and turned back to go and make his call in relative peace. If this was some strange revenge plan by some villain, Steve had a strange thought that it was going to be the perfect plan. It was going to be the perfect recipe for a disaster, he decided as he heard Scott begin to wail when he stepped out of the house and rang Phil Coulson.

\--------------------

"I'm engaged," Tony repeated, staring at his phone wallpaper unblinkingly, "I can hear the words coming out of my mouth, but I still feel like this is some bubble that will burst if I say it louder. I'm engaged."

"To Steve," T'Challa added helpfully and rolled his eyes at the pitiful groan that escaped Tony at those words, "By Great Spirits, stop whining Stark! This isn't the end of the world."

"Yeah, it kind of makes sense," Sam chimed in, shifting through another document on his tablet, "with the whole 'civil union' and civil war comment? Also, it makes things easier for you two. You don't have to deal with some unknown person who happens to be you baby momma."

"Easier?" Tony whispered in shock before glaring at Sam, "Easier?! We were at the beginning of a fucking war a few hours back, Wilson! Spangles and I have been the worst rivals ever, since the moment we met! We  **threatened** each other within the first few conversations we had! He's 90 years old and I spent an entire childhood listening to my dad moon over him! We can barely stand to talk to each other after Sokovia, oh stop flinching Maximoff! In what fucking way is this easier?"

"Well, you can finally have an excuse to sort out your unresolved sexual tension for once," Natasha drawled calmly, reading her Facebook data on her phone, "not to mention, he's a dancer here. Great excuse to try different pos...poses."

Bucky twitched but managed to not gouge his eyes out at the image. Tony simply stared before shivering involuntarily and glaring at Natasha.

"Don't even make jokes about that. Captain Flower-Protector will spontaneously combust at the very thought of, well, of me 'deflowering' him," Tony said with distaste at the word and caught a thrown cushion from Wanda.

"Can we focus on something that isn't begging a brain bleach emergency?" Clint asked in his awkwardly put together hipster clothes, "Like the jobs we've discovered we all have. 'Vinton's a techie, which is pretty convenient to be honest. Nat here is a teacher and I am resolutely not thinking about kids getting her  _look_ or worse, death glare. Sam's a counselor at the same school, the lucky fucker, no need to learn anything new for you there. I'm stuck with a bow I don't know to use and a cello I want to put through a wall. Steve's a choreographer, so parkours are gonna be replaced by pirouettes or shit. T'Challa's a photographer and that explains the unending albums but doesn't explain how Barnes here is a model. Wanda, you're cool, architecture isn't so bad when you compare handling a kid Scott. And then there's Stark and his frilly apron. Anyone think we're gonna survive this without killing someone or ourselves?"

"We're going to have to," T'Challa replied, avoiding Bucky and looking at everyone else, "Until we can figure out a way to get back or even understand how and why we came here, we will have to play our roles without creating a significant mess. Whatever reality we are in, this place has people who are the 'normal' versions of us. Which is why Coulson and his family don't seem to find anything out of the ordinary with a group of strangers in their house. If we create a ruckus here and end up scaring them, then when we get back to our universe, our replacements will be in trouble."

"T'Challa is right," Vision agreed, rocking a sleeping Scott gently, "Displacing any reality of a universe will create a chain of events that will change the universe itself. We do not know the reason we are here, nor do we know if there  _are_ any replacements for us. This could very well be an illusion for all we know. Whatever the case is though, it is wise to play along and try to fit in. Any attempts to change things drastically or negate reality will disrupt the order and harm someone."

"Which basically means that we need to learn who we are here and do our jobs," Bucky chimed in quietly, staring at T'Challa who spared him a look, "no matter how difficult it turns out to be."

"What if we can find a way to get back though?" Tony asked desperately, looking at Vision, "What if we create a machine or some device to push us back to our reality?"

"We will still not be able to get back completely," Wanda replied thoughtfully, "When we don't know the cause of this change, we cannot anticipate the effect of any further change as well. Our attempts at getting back will only lead to a wider mess that we wouldn't be able to contain later."

"So we agree that we'll continue with whatever we have right now?" Sam asked everyone firmly, getting nods in reply, "Good. Let's keep that in mind when we get back to our 'houses' here, okay? Nobody gets into any funny experiments. Tony, T'Challa, especially you guys. I know that you know your science but honestly, this doesn't seem like science to me. So no meddling, alright?"

"Whatever" Tony sighed and T'Challa simply jerked a nod.

After a few minutes, Elyse came back down, dressed in a pretty skirt and blouse, smiling at the cleaner looking living room.

"Hey, not bad," she observed appreciatively and Sam thanked his stars at the thought, "thanks, you guys. Now, Clint, you need a lift? We're pressing for time as it is. The others, you guys good to go? Wan, Vinny? Scotty asleep yet? Great. Let's get going then and Nat, I'll call you later to talk about Yates' thing we discussed about yesterday. C'mon, file out people!"

Everybody shuffled out of the house, shooting furtive glances at each other. Steve joined them outside, an unreadable expression on his face when he looked at Tony. Natasha, Sam, Vision, Wanda and Scott got into 'Vinton's car, Sam taking the keys and praying that the GPS would guide them to the address he had found out from the contacts. T'Challa and Bucky took another car, which was apparently Bucky's and they had to get to some shoot in an hour. Elyse dragged Clint into her car and waved at everybody else before taking off. 

Which left Tony and Steve standing next to their car. 

"So you found out," Tony declared, looking at the car and studiously avoiding Steve. Steve looked at him for a minute before staring at the car himself.

"Yes," he said on a resigned sigh and that hit Tony hard, knowing that Steve was defeated by the thought of being engaged to him more than the idea of being trapped in a weird world.

"Well, good," Tony said briskly, walking over and opening the driver's door, "guess that means it'll be easier to follow some rules. Now get in. You apparently have a practice to get to in an hour and I am supposed to be sick today."

"Following's not really our style," Steve muttered under his breath but acquiesced and got into the passenger seat in the front, buckling his seat-belt before Tony took off from the spot.

The entire drive was the most awkward silence Steve had ever been a part of in his life.

It even made him appreciate the grating voice of the GPS.

Unfortunately, it didn't erase Phil's words from his brain.

_"So, you ready for the wedding yet? Two months really isn't enough time to prepare according to Ely and things would just be better if you came out and told your fiance that you'd like to get married soon instead of waiting for the idiotic two year plan you morons came up with. There's only so much heart eyes we can bear, you know?"_

Steve wondered if Phil would still think they were in love when he would discover that there was nobody in the world Tony hated as much as he did Steve. Steve hadn't forgotten Tony's words from the pre-war day.

_You're not what I thought you were. I was wrong about you. The world was wrong about you._

He just hoped that the wrong of their recent past didn't shatter the possible right of the strange present they were in. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo...how crazy was that? Good? Bad? Feedback please!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it wasn't too bad. Reviews and any kind of feedback please? <3


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